To myself — The Worker
Even though the moments I’ve been through lately are not thunderbolt moments in life, but what struck me the most this morning during wee hours is considered as my “thunderbolt moment”.
Someone told me before, “Independence is good. But too much is like biting off more than I can chew. And you will hurt yourself and hurting people around me indirectly.”. This sentence hit the nail on my head. I am hurting my family and my boyfriend indirectly.
I focused on my work too much and I admit that I am a machine — not sure to be proud of it or not.
I am aware that if I overworked myself again, I am wasting my life living on
I am alive — yet choosing to ignore so many blessings in my life.
Instead, I worked continually. Somehow, I prioritized work over everyone else. So selfish of me.
My boyfriend, who has made sacrifices for me, felt like a solo person in the relationship. He didn’t enjoy being neglected and resentment took root.
We argued over text because at that moment, I felt that he does not understand me. The fun that had filled our relationship disappeared at times.
My family are always worried about me because I will work until late night before turning in.
But on the other hand, I am aware that my lifestyle is killing me and my misguided priorities are killing my closest relationships.
The argument and reminders from both my boyfriend and my family reminded me that I have a choice of being a workaholic or a lifeaholic.
Whether to pursue work life balance or seeing myself as a whole person living my whole life, with ups and downs.
I want to be be a full human. I want to take good care of myself because that is when I am able to set the bar, not only for myself, but for everyone around me.
Short post as a workaholic who came close to losing a lot, including life itself. At this point of time, my biggest takeaway would be — I know that I cannot lose my closest relationships because they are my pillars of strength.
