Overcoming, understanding and dealing with the false sense of duty
How often does one hears critical accusation from parents? It can be any kind of critical accusations. Some parents tend to believe that they have sacrificed so much for their kids, so the kids have to dedicate themselves to giving back to them.
Growing up under this pressure, one has learned to act in accordance with parents’ demands, not because he/she wants to be helpful genuinely, but out of a sense of guilt and duty. As a result, this had developed a state of mental indebtedness that prevents the kid from following his/her inner thoughts.
As much as we want to say “No” to parents, it can also be particularly difficult. After all, most of us are grateful for our parents for all they have given us and we love them too.
However, here are some things we should not feel like we owe our parents — or anyone in particular:
1. You do not have to put up with anything just because they are family.
2. If pleasing your family means hiding parts of yourself, you do not have to please them. This is because sacrificing your sense of self to meeting their demands is a way of breeding resentment, anger and pain. This is unhealthy and I think it’s about time to set boundaries.
3. While spending time with your family is important, it is also important that you do not sacrifice too much because it will likely lead to resentments. You need some personal space and time for yourself too.
4. It is important for you to understand the difference between “taking care of your family” and “making them happy”. You can provide care and support up to a certain extent and within your limits, but you do not have to agree or go with everything that they say you should do or is important.
Final thoughts
Very often, some parents believe that we owe it to them to fulfill demands and expectations as a means of repaying back the debt.
However, this is a very selfish and self-centric thing anyone can do. Helping our parents is not an act of guilt, but it should be a manifestation of gratitude.
Therefore, the only way out of this vicious cycle is to release yourself from any debt parents imposed on you. Tell yourself that you do not owe them anything. Easier said than done, but I’m sure we are able to get out of this vicious cycle if we put in effort to try.
Be thankful towards our parents for what they have done for you and allow them to stay behind with whatever resentment they choose to harbor.
